Sleep Advice from a 10-Year-Old

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time talking about sleep.

As a parent, I spend even more time thinking about it.

My daughter is 10 years old now, but sleep has never been a simple topic in our house. She had colic as a baby, and after many long nights, I eventually began co-sleeping with her. For several years, that arrangement helped the entire house get some sleep As she grew older, she transitioned to sleeping on her own and did just fine—until we moved into a new home.

With the move came a new bedroom, new sounds, and a new sense of uncertainty. She started coming into our room multiple times a night, looking for comfort and reassurance and we struggled to figure out what could help her.

We tried everything:

• A consistent bedtime routine

• A warm bath before bed

• Night lights and white noise

• Extra reassurance

• Reward charts

• Gradual check-ins

• Talking through worries during the day

• Relaxation and breathing exercises

Every strategy under the sun—and still, the nighttime visits continued.

Then one night recently, something changed.

She slept through the night in her own bed!

The next morning, I eagerly asked her what helped. What finally worked?

She shrugged and said, “I just closed my eyes.”

We both laughed. But the more I sat with it, the more profound her answer felt.

The Power of the Next Small Step

Her answer reminded me of an article I once read about fear of flying. The author described helping people manage flight anxiety by breaking the experience into small, manageable steps—packing, getting to the airport, boarding the plane, finding your seat. Instead of focusing on the entire flight, the goal was to list and then simply complete the next task in front of you.

When we focus on the whole picture and the worry—What if I can’t sleep? What if I’m exhausted tomorrow? What if this happens again?—our anxiety grows.

But when we narrow our focus to just the next step, our nervous system often settles.

For my daughter, the next step wasn’t solving sleep forever. It wasn’t “sleep all night.”It was simply: close my eyes.

And that was enough.

Sleep Isn’t About Forcing—It’s About Allowing

So often, we approach sleep with effort and pressure. We try to make ourselves sleep. But sleep doesn’t respond well to force. It responds to safety, simplicity, and permission.

When it’s time for bed, the best advice might be this: Don’t focus on falling asleep. Don’t focus on tomorrow. Just do the next thing in front of you:

Get into bed.

Get comfortable.

Close your eyes.

That’s it.

Before you know it, sleep may arrive on its own.

Sometimes the best sleep advice doesn’t come from experts, books, or strategies.

Sometimes it comes from a 10-year-old reminding us to keep it simple.